Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Reflections, all kinds

We've got two dollar stores around the corner from our house, and I set off yesterday in search of some storage boxes for my office. What I got instead was a new mirror for my bedroom:

Obviously taken with a cell phone camera.

I know the updates have been slow-coming lately, I've got a gazillion pictures on my digital camera that need to be uploaded. But hey, what can I say besides BUYING A HOUSE IS EFFING OVERWHELMING?!

I'm experiencing a lot of anxiety and fear lately, feelings that strike me as pretty understandable. Throughout the whole home-buying process, I kept a lot of those feelings under wraps or just between me and Steve and a couple of friends. Often times I just kept them to myself. In part, it stemmed from the desire to be ridiculously upbeat about a decision that caused many people to raise their eyebrows and nervously ask, "Where'd you buy a house?" Or, "Who'd you buy a house with?" Or, "How old are you?"

But it also stems from being so damn busy with all the shit that needs to get done that you don't have time to think about how you feel, you just do it. Shit like moving in and learning how to be a landlord and rushing home to deal with flooded basements and trying to get another room unpacked and keeping afloat your personal relationships and making sure you smile at your neighbors and manage your checking account--shit like that. Plus more.

I'm not hopeless though, and truth be told, yesterday was a much better day because I had begun to articulate some of my feelings. Sometimes acknowledging fear and anxiety helps it go away.

And this weekend was beautiful--both days in the 70s. I sat in the kitchen for a good part of Sunday morning, drinking coffee and writing and looking at my neighbors' backyards. Our kitchen has shaped up to be a sweet little room and with the shelves that Steve hung up, it is looking more and more complete each day. I went for a walk, mailed some letters, and just generally tried to take some deep breaths while I had the chance.

I think I will remember that lesson: deep breaths, when I have the chance.

1 comment:

Kim said...

many many knit frolic-ing photos requested please.